I got chris browned last night
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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