it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
