Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
