this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
