I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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