I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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