i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
