I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
