Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
