My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
