I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
