I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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