I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
