I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize