its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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