He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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