found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
