he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
