Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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