No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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