More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I smell stomach acid.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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