Your face is a jimmy john
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
