Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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