Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
