What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
