hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
