bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
