you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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