i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
