found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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