wat bout pragnant strippers??
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
