I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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