Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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