I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
there's paper in my vomit.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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