Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
