there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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