you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
