.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you have to choose: penises or morals?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
