just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Randomize
