I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize