I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
