Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
