I have demons in me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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