I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize