every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Holy shit dude........stairs
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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