how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
