I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
