He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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