I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
