i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
