words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize