I bet he comes in French.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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