they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
