Ambien. No doubt about it.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize