Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
