wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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