It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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