Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
