My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize