look no pants
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
