last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
