My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
