Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
