I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
