What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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