Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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