the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish they made helmets for livers.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
