she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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