Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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