I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
