ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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