I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
whose ass print is on the piano?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
