is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
