We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Who died my cat blue again?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
